I had a fight with my Dad not too long ago. It happens. I deserved it. Once again, Dad knows best. That’s not a smart arse comment there, that’s the truth. Funny that, knowledge coming with experience. Anyway, he came to my room where I’m being all angsty (because that’s what all the cool kids do obviously) and we kind of made up. On the way out he says, “I love you,” to which I reply with, obviously, “I love you too.”
This is the shocking part. No, no the fact that I love my parents or that he loves me, but that it hurt to say it. My chest tensed up, I felt this pressure right underneath my sternum. I just thought… why did saying that hurt? Words like that shouldn’t hurt. Words like that exist to heal. But I think I’ve worked it out. Sort of. Actually, I’m full of crap, I have no idea why this happened but at least I’ve got a theory.
Words are cheap. That’s the crux of the problem. This entire blog is full of words and they only took time. Arguably time is the most important resource ever but mine comes pretty easy, so with cheap time comes even cheaper words. I don’t always act on these words either. The cost has to come somewhere. Why not from me?
If my time is cheap, why not pay up front? Perfect health is the slowest rate of death anyway, if saying I love you speeds up this process, so be it. I’ll say I love my parents until it takes it’s toll because I do and I always will. I’m pretty bad at showing it, I know, but would anyone really love me for me if I was any different? You fell in love with me, faults and all. I’m sorry.
This isn’t really going anywhere in a hurry. Love hurts. That’s just how it is. Guess that’s why roses are perfect. Looks nice, smells nice, stings like hell when you’re up close and ultimately, both are fleeting. But while I’m here, I’m sorry for the pain I cause you because even though nothing lasts forever, I’ll love you as long as I can.
On a slightly lighter note, after all the ramblings, here’s something nice that is just remotely on topic…