Yes ladies and gentlemen, that time of the year is rolling around once again. In 4 days we will have arrived at yet another Kill-Yourself-If-You’re-Single Day. Sorry… Valentines Day, the day St. Valentine did something that no one remembers because this is yet another holiday that had its traditional meaning replaced by something more fun. Let’s be honest here, you’d rather remember a day because of passionate love (that can be a verb or an adjective for your feelings, either works) than some old dude doing something vaguely memorable.
In either case, St. Valentine can’t be upset, his day is supposed to be a time to show that special someone just how much you really do love them. What better time than just a few weeks after and before the next major gift giving holiday? Chocolates, roses and grandiose gestures are common fair for the day but I’m sure you guys know that. Here’s hoping that your Kill-Yourself-If-You’re-Single Day… sorry, Valentines Day, has someone awesome enough to make you want to be the very best you can be.
What if you don’t? What if, through some cruel twist, the powers that be have left you to be single, yet again, for one more year on this romantic holiday? Whatever will I do Dacria?
I’m glad you asked! I’m also glad that I’m the person you run to because I love helping people solve their problems! Well, you could do like the day says and kill yourself if you’re single but really that’d just hurt. The last thing you need when you’re depressed is broken legs from not jumping from a high enough rooftop. Instead, focus on you.
You, dear reader, are truly awesome in your own special way. Every single one of us is utterly amazing in one way or another. Now, as Napoleon Dynamite said: “I don’t even have any good skills… You know, like nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills… Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.” That’s total bullshit. Everyone has skills.
You might not be a great runner but you can slaughter a small nations worth of people in Halo. You might not be able to sing but you can still make a masterpiece with a pencil. You might not be able to brush your teeth without some sort of bleeding happening but you can still drink 3 times as much as your mates and not throw up on the birthday boy. I know that one is very specific but I swear to god it’s just an example.
And even if you think you’re not good at something, it’s just a matter of finding it. You haven’t done everything, you can’t, but the odds are in your favour that if you keep trying you’ll find something. If you don’t try to find that one thing, you’re a bloody good procrastinator aren’t you? That’s one for the list.
You don’t need a special day with someone to tell you that you’re brilliant. You just need yourself. Do something for you. Go out or stay at home, doesn’t matter, just make this day a special one. Fuck the saints, fuck the advertisers, fuck the person you’ve had your eye on who doesn’t notice you* and make this a day for you.
My Kill-Yourself-If-You’re-Single Day — GOD DAMN IT I AM NOT CORRECTING IT THIS TIME — is going to be spent with my mates and we’re going to go get our RCG certificate and I’m going to make the best of it. I might be single but who cares? This could be the start of something I’m good at. Not too bad a day if you ask me.
So to all of you out there, if you’ve got someone or not, make this day a magical one. That’s the idea anyway right? Doesn’t matter if you don’t have a partner for it, the idea is to feel loved. That starts with you. Take the time to love yourself this Valentines Day. I know I will.
*That was not advice. DO NOT go out and literally fuck them. That is a bad idea.